Translator's Journal - Miraculina Entry 1

[hypericum]

Marunouchi Magical Translator Journalina

Week one, entry one: some attempt at preserving my ephemera (and making it easier for myself later down the line)

I chose to translate Murata Sayaka’s titular short story from her recent collection Marunouchi Mahoushoujo Mirakuriina for my thesis, so I think that preserving my translation process somehow will help me get a better understanding of how to write my preface, or clarify things for me when I look back. I love doing things on paper, but since I have to do most of my actual translation digitally I thought it might be helpful to put my thoughts somewhere digitally as well. This first entry will most likely be the longest, as it does serve as a sort of introduction to my work and style, so I anticipate the entries will get shorter as time goes on. Or not, because I love to yap. Also, this is mostly for me, but I do think it’s interesting as a translator to see other translator’s work styles and thought processes, so maybe someone out there will find this interesting. Or not. Whatever.

Anyway, I’ve always liked this story and I think it plays to a lot of aspects I enjoy in fiction: girlhood, patriarchal power systems, being somehow quintessentially weird or “different,” coping in a capitalistic society… I think it’s a great little text that works on a lot of the same themes as her smash hit Conbini Ningen / Convenience Store Woman. We live in an era of both nostalgia and “female rage,” and I think this text combines both of these attitudes in a way that reflects a general dissatisfaction (exhaustion) with patriarchal and capitalistic hegemonies in society. Masashi’s co-opting of the magical girl identity causing Rina to lose hers is particularly interesting. I’m also wondering how I’ll trace the sort-of traveling magical girl voice in this text.

This probably won’t be the only story from this text that I’ll translate, so I might post entries for others down the line. But I hope this whole thing will help me stay focused. I’ll try to post at least once weekly.

To start actually translating, I have my working title as “Marunouchi Magical Girl Miraculina.” It’s really straightforward, but the original follows the same sort of structure as titles like “Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha” (we’re not dealing with anything like KiraKira Pretty Cure a la Mode here, at least not until the body of the story) so I kept it simple for now. Miraculina adds the flair. On that note, she’s called Mirakurina because her name is Rina, so I’m not sure if the L works. It’s also supposed to be a play on “miracle” (mirakuru), which is why I chose the L, but it looks more like a play on “miraculous” that way. Which isn’t terrible. I wonder if Miraclina would work better? It looks like the name of a medication that way. Miracurina doesn’t work for me. So I haven’t decided what to do yet, basically. I’ll keep it as Miraculina for now.

In keeping with this choice, I translated fushigi in the opening line as “miraculous.” Also, for this opening page, I’m trying to make it sound as childish as possible, given how it’s Rina’s magical girl side speaking. This means that there were certain points where I made additions, which I’ve bolded in the draft passage below. There are a few grammatical additions I made as well, and I’ve bolded the ones I’m not sure about yet.

My name is Rina Chigasaki! When I was in the third grade, a miraculous creature named Pompom came from a magical land far, far away to give me this magical compact.

There’s a super-duper powerful magical Jewel Star inside it, and if I say the magic word, I’ll transform into the magical girl Miraculina!

I spend my days secretly helping people in need and foiling the evil plans of Vampire Glorian—a group full of evil people led by an evil witch who uses dark magic! Every day leaves me beat!/By the end of the day, I’m beat! Plus, if anyone ever goes and finds out Miraculina’s true form, the magical world is gonna punish me, and I’ll get my compact taken away and I’ll never be able to use magic ever again! So I’m worried sick every (single) day!

But it makes me so, so happy to make everybody smile with my magic! To me, seeing everyone’s smiling faces is like the best kind of magic of all! ☆ Miraculina will keep on trying her very hardest to make everyone smile today!

I added the “far, far away” to call back to English language fantasy and children’s media (in a galaxy far, far away; once upon a time, in a land far, far away…) even though the original was just “a magical country/land.” The “super-duper powerful magical” was my take on mahou no chikara ga komerareteiru; “full of magic power.”

As for the grammatical bits, I added “seeing” as opposed to writing “everyone’s smiling faces are like the best kind of magic of all.” It just sounded a little better to me, but I’m not sure if I need it! “Keep on” is how I handled kyou mo, because “today too; today as well” are just immediate translation flags for me. No one says that in this kind of sentence. “The event’s running today, too” is passable, but “I’ll do my best today, too” is not. At least not to me and in my dialect of English. It’s just one of those little pet peeves of mine, but it can usually be omitted. Kyou mo does show a continued action or state of being most of the time, so rather than omit it, I swapped it out for “keep on,” which is what speakers of my dialect of American English would be more likely to choose. Still shows continuation!

I’m not sure what to do with the star emote and the third person, but I don’t think they need to be thought of as problems, honestly. I think it’s fine to keep them even though you’re a little more likely to see both of those in Japan. Removing them would kill the whimsy.

Regardless, we’re introduced to Rina’s voice (adult voice?) right after:

…It was the spring of third grade when I started playing magical girl make-believe, and that was my setting.

Sentence structure makes this a challenge, so that’s not my final take. (None of this is my final take.) For some reason I worry about the use of the word setting (or its position in the sentence) here? In any case, I need to make a big chunk of fast progress, so I’ll come back to this later when I hit my first major roadblock.

My goal by Thursday is to get to the portion where Rina and Reiko are discussing their childhood, before Masashi agrees to be a magical girl. To hold myself accountable, I’ll post this miniscule amount of work as the first entry.

Thanks for reading!